Busy being a mother and a wife and taking on the biggest challenge yet, a permanent move across the world. Read here my random thoughts, feelings and stories about my life that is about to be turned upside down (literally).

Monday, May 23, 2011

A Weekend to Remember

As my move date draws near, my social calendar is quickly filling up. I am trying to spend as much time with my family and friends as I can. The highlight so far has been my girls weekend away to Scandanive Spa in Blue Mountain. What I thought was going to be a day at the spa with my best friend Jennifer turned out to be a surprise weekend away with all my close girlfriends. I have known these girls for almost 20 years, our earlier friendship consisted of late nights, and sometimes early mornings in the club scene of downtown Toronto, seems so far from where we are today. Since then we have lived together, shared each others joy in new relationships, careers, engagements, weddings and children. Being with them is so very comfortable and this weekend had us feeling like we were all 20 again. Not a care in the world just a bunch of girls hanging out. We enjoyed a relaxing day together, shared an amazing dinner and then danced all night! There were a lot of laughs and also a few tears shed. It is so hard to imagine my life without these amazing women. I know that we will keep in touch through e-mail and facebook but I will miss our monthly dinners, birthday celebrations, camping trips and annual Christmas party. I can't even put into words how much their friendship means to me.
Here are a few of my favourite photos from the weekend, some are too incriminating to share so I will only post the "appropriate" ones.

Road Trip!

The hot pools.

Ready for our massages.

I had this smile on my face all weekend.

Relaxing by the fire.

Ready for a night out.

There were many of these.

As well as many blurry photos like these.

This was indeed a weekend to remember.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

It doesn't take long to fall in love.

The past few weeks have been filled with the most life altering news, all that we had been wishing for was finally happening, my Australian Immigration was approved followed the next day by the sale of our house.
The most unexpected joy came as a bit of surprise, a positive pregnancy test. How quickly it all seemed to fall into place, we had been trying for a 3rd baby for over a year. To finally get pregnant just as we are preparing to move to Australia confirmed my lifelong belief that everything happens for a reason, it all works out in the end.
But not this time.
I had 4 whole days to feel the joy of an expanding family, I eagerly downloaded the baby center app on my phone, I checked the due date, December 25th, the best gift I could imagine, I consulted the Chinese gender predictors, a girl, I shared the news with my family, all were overjoyed. I told my sister that her new baby girl due in July would soon have a playmate. For 4 days I envisioned the gentle moments I would catch my boys in with their new sibling and I imagined the comfort of having a baby in my arms again.
4 days was all I got, because at exactly 5 weeks pregnant I miscarried. It was so early, and according to my app the baby was the size of a sesame seed, but those 4 days felt like a lifetime, I envisioned this baby born, nurtured, loved and become part of my family.
I've read so many stories on miscarriage, always trying my best to empathize with those sharing their story, never could I imagine the pain it would bring, true gut wrenching sadness. I find myself struggling to justify feeling so overwhelmingly distraught because it was so early. There are so many others who have had weeks, and months of bonding with their baby only to tragically lose them.
Mine didn't even have a heart beat yet, but it had already filled my heart.