Thursday, May 5, 2011
It doesn't take long to fall in love.
The past few weeks have been filled with the most life altering news, all that we had been wishing for was finally happening, my Australian Immigration was approved followed the next day by the sale of our house.
The most unexpected joy came as a bit of surprise, a positive pregnancy test. How quickly it all seemed to fall into place, we had been trying for a 3rd baby for over a year. To finally get pregnant just as we are preparing to move to Australia confirmed my lifelong belief that everything happens for a reason, it all works out in the end.
But not this time.
I had 4 whole days to feel the joy of an expanding family, I eagerly downloaded the baby center app on my phone, I checked the due date, December 25th, the best gift I could imagine, I consulted the Chinese gender predictors, a girl, I shared the news with my family, all were overjoyed. I told my sister that her new baby girl due in July would soon have a playmate. For 4 days I envisioned the gentle moments I would catch my boys in with their new sibling and I imagined the comfort of having a baby in my arms again.
4 days was all I got, because at exactly 5 weeks pregnant I miscarried. It was so early, and according to my app the baby was the size of a sesame seed, but those 4 days felt like a lifetime, I envisioned this baby born, nurtured, loved and become part of my family.
I've read so many stories on miscarriage, always trying my best to empathize with those sharing their story, never could I imagine the pain it would bring, true gut wrenching sadness. I find myself struggling to justify feeling so overwhelmingly distraught because it was so early. There are so many others who have had weeks, and months of bonding with their baby only to tragically lose them.
Mine didn't even have a heart beat yet, but it had already filled my heart.
Posted by Tinkertines at 7:19 PM