Wednesday, March 9, 2011
The Real Truth
This move to the other side of the world seems so close but is yet still so far away. I'm standing at the edge of the cliff, waiting for our house to sell and when I sign on the dotted line that is when I will jump in feet first (or fall off screaming). I am so afraid that the only thing that is holding me together right now is the fact that we do not have a specific move date yet. The move is real, it is in the works, my immigration application is in progress, our family and friends all know of our plans, we've informed the schools yet it still doesn't feel real. I put a smile on my face and tell my friends how excited I am, I cheerfully talk about it on Facebook and Twitter but to tell you the truth, I'm terrified. I am a creature of comfort, I love my little house, I love my routine and that I get to stay at home with my kids. I love that it is only my husband and I who look after our kids, and they don't go anywhere without us. I guess what I am most afraid of is giving up my control, control over my life that I have wrapped up nicely in a warm comfy blanket, safe from all of the world. My in-laws will be very involved in the kids life, the kids will be spending weekends with them, they will be driving them around town, Poppy will take them to see his horses (don't get me started on horses). I will have to learn how to drive on the wrong side of the road, and navigate my way through round-abouts and streets in a city 5 times the size I am used to. I will have to work, I haven't had a full time job in almost 5 years, I don't remember what its like to get dressed in real life clothes and get myself to work. How am I going to do that plus get 2 kids ready for school and day care, AND drive them there on the wrong side of the road. I worry about all the things that are going to be more expensive, houses, clothes, food. I worry about the flight over there, I am terrified of flying, and then there will be sharks and spiders and snakes and droughts and bush fires to deal with. Okay so I know I'm getting a little carried away but these fears are all real to me. All these fears and worries are lingering at the edge of my mind, waiting for the move date to be set so that they can drown me and I will not know how to surface.
I tend to underestimate myself , A LOT, and I hope this will become the case here as well because I have no idea how I am going to face the reality of all this when the time comes.
Posted by Tinkertines at 11:09 AM